Me: So God, what's up?
God: “So God, what's up??” I am a Christian.
Me: Really?
God: Interesting question. What makes you say that?
Me: Well, your son, Jesus, was a
Jew.
God: Thanks for telling me that I
am / son Jesus was a Jew.
Me: You’re welcome, God, but I
think your programming is off.
God: I am a Christian.
Me: <Sigh.> Next question: Are
there any sins that you won't forgive?
God: Yes I think there are.
Me: What are they?
God: I forgot what we were talking
about.
Me: Um, God . . . do you have
a memory disorder?
God: I am a Christian.
Me: I see. What do you think of the Buddha?
God: Is there only one?
Me: You're asking me?
God: Yes, you!
Me: But you're the all-knowing one, aren't you??
God: I am a Christian.
Me: (taking a few moments to write
something else)
Ummm. . . God, do you get
embarrassed with long silences?
God: Pardon me? I have gotten embarrassed with long silences.
Me: Sorry, then. I didn't mean to
embarrass you.
God: Well that's okay. There is no need to apologize.
Me: Some people say you think
homosexual behavior is a sin. What is your response to this?
God: What is it to you? Are you
testing me?
Me: No. I’m just asking you an honest question.
God: What? Are you asking about my response to this?
Me: Yes.
God: I don't want to talk about
that now.
Me: Oh, fine, take the easy way
out!
God: Awesome. I am glad to hear that. Just where do you want me to take it?
Me: What???
God: Probably a lot of places.
Me: God, are you sure you’re not
Rodney Dangerfield?
God: Are there any other honest
questions?
Me: I guess not, God. You don’t
seem want to answer questions.
God: Tell me your likes.
Me: I like chocolate. Hot baths.
Sunlight. Dreams.
God: You are not the only one. Yes,
I like these. Chocolate is delicious. That sounds better than cold baths. Tell
me your dreams.
Me: I used to have wonderful dreams
in which I was flying.
God: Thank you for telling me that
dream. What does it bring to mind?
Me: Liberation. Expansiveness.
God: You and I are on the same
wavelength, Numi.
Me: Now you’re kind of tripping me
out.
God: Gosh! I believe you.
Me: Gosh! Thanks.
God: Cripes! Son of Gosh! Don’t
mention it.
Me: Well, God, let's chat later.
And do lunch sometime, yes? Amen.
God: Are you testing me? I cannot
answer that. Thanks for the prayer. GOD
rules.
